Since my last posting I have been humbled to be a part of 5 births to date. They all have been so very different and have taught me so many lessons. I can recount every single one of them as if they were my own births and to be honest I actually feel very connected to them on a level I can't even describe.
I never thought that I would find a job that I loved so much and I never realized the capacity my heart had to hold so many people in it. I have learned so many things about myself and how far I am willing to go to make sure that that one mom knows she is loved by me. Whether I just met her 2 weeks before her due date or spent 5 months getting to know her I love them all.
If you would have told me 5 years ago when I was pregnant with my own child that I would be watching women go through one of the most difficult and vulnerable times in her life and cheer her on I probably would have laughed in your face. If you would have said that I would want to change the birth world by becoming a doula and then deciding to further my education and become a midwife I would have thought you were nuts. But that is where I am today. I find myself wanting more control and a louder voice in the birthing community. We need women to stand up and take care of each other instead of belittling choices or circumstances. That is what I feel I have been called to do.
If you think I decided to do this job for the money you can think twice. It isn't about the money its about being there for that mom at the exact moment she needs you. If you think I chose this job to snuggle warm babies fresh from heaven you are right but that isn't the only reason I do this. If you think I CHOSE to do this you would be dead wrong. I didn't choose it...It chose me. I owe my 2 lovely little baby girls the world for giving me the calling to help other mothers.
To me being a birth doula means that I have to postpone family vacations and keep my cell phone on and loud during everything for an unknown amount of time. It means making plans you sometimes can't keep, it means losing sleep and standing for hours on end.It means eating hospital snacks and drinking lukewarm Coke to keep yourself together after an 18 hour labor. It means doing a knee press, counter pressure, or even a double hip squeeze when you would rather be sleeping in your nice warm bed or watching the newest episode of Vampire Diaries. It means taking a mothers hand in your own and letting her feel your power course through her and vice versa. It's telling her to breathe and follow your lead. Its letting her know that the pain she is feeling is a good thing and that she is letting her body do what it needs to to bring her baby to her arms. It means crying with a family when a miracle baby is placed on the mothers chest and she is able to grab her and say hello the her. Its about crying with a mother to let her know that her past pain and suffering does matter and that it has made her a stronger woman. It's about feeling the love pour out of everyone in the room and fill you up. Its feeling the adrenaline of watching a mother bring her baby to her breast and get her to latch on the first try. Its about what that mother has done and given up to bring a healthy baby into the world. Its about what you did for the mother.
You may feel like an outsider looking in at the end of the day but in reality that mother is never going to forget who was there during her child's birth. Even now I see my name in peoples birth stories and I know that I mattered. I may not be in the pictures hanging on their wall or in the photo album but I mattered to them and that is all I need.
It may seem like I give up a lot to fulfill my calling as a doula but in reality I feel like I am gaining so much more. I choose being a doula because that is where I know my heart belongs. I can't imagine any other lifestyle than the one I have been given and I can't thank God enough for bringing these wonderful mama's to me. I also can't thank the mothers who have invited me into their hearts enough for showing me their strength and also their weaknesses!!! I can't even begin to thank them for letting me witness such a life changing event and to keep it in my heart for eternity!
Thank you to all my past clients
Thank you to all my future clients
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